Pause Please

Joel is growing and changing everyday, which is what is supposed to happen. But for a moment I would just like a pause button because this is all going by way too fast. I can't believe he is almost 8 months old. But then on the other hand, I love seeing his little self develop.
So big things have happened since the last time I posted. Christmas! Christmas was awesome this year. It felt more like old times than any other Christmas I can remember since I was a kid. This is largely in part because of Joel. He got so many fun toys that once again remind me that he's getting bigger. He actually sits and "rides" this motorcycle toy we bought him. He can stay on it all by himself. He just needs help on and off it. Rattles aren't cutting it anymore, he needs more entertainment. We call the motorcycle his hog by the way.
We went to Houston, had secret santa and white elephant gifts with my family. It was nice to have "family" time with them again. Then we spent Christmas Eve at Carol's and Christmas morning at home with just the 3 of us. That was my favorite. Helping Joel tear off wrapping paper. Of course he just wanted the paper in his mouth rather than worrying what was under the paper, but to each there own. We put out cookies for Santa and he even left Joel a note! So glad Santa is stopping by again. :)
Then after Christmas, Joel had some surprises for us too. He sprouted his first tooth, which quickly turned into two teeth! He also has began to crawl around. He doesn't get totally off the ground on all fours yet, but he reaches with his arms and pushes with his knees. The funny thing about babies is no matter how many brightly colored toys line the perimeter of the living room, they always want to play with the computer, remote, or pull stuff off the shelves of the entertainment center.
Joel is my joy. He smiles and kicks his legs when Benny or I come in the room. He listens when he hears Benny come in the door after work and looks for him to come upstairs. He crawls over to me and pulls on my clothes to tell me he wants to be held. He opens and closes his hand on my arm as if he's trying to tickle me. And his laugh. Ahhh... if I could only hear one sound for the rest of my life that would be it. It is beautiful innocence personified. Sometimes he chuckles, but sometimes he really gets going and squeals, squeaks, and acts like he can't take it anymore.
It's so interesting to see his mind working now. He focuses on things so intently. I can see that he wants to understand how things work, what are they used for, etc. I can't wait for this summer. I want to cherish every morning that I get to stay home with him b/c like I said, I know it will be gone before I know it.

Directions included

Tonight we made our weekly trip to the grocery store. On our last trip, I had tried the floppy seat for the first time since Joel has gotten pretty good about sitting up on his own now. I think I put it on inside out and backwards. I couldn't figure out how to get the seat belt that is already on the cart to go through the floppy and keep Joel secure. So that trip consisted of us pulling Joel back in the upright position about 20 times after he tried to reach and turn around/lay down, etc. It wasn't until I took the floppy out of the cart that I noticed there were directions attached to the floppy the whole time. Not only are directions attached, but it also comes with it's own seatbelt. Genius. The floppy, not me.

So anyway, today's trip with the floppy went much better. Joel was secure in the cart while we shopped. I am pretty sure Joel is going to have a personality similar to mine. I like to think of myself as someone who doesn't like to cause to much of a fuss and will make do with what's given to them. This was Joel tonight. Our shopping trip lasted a lot longer than usual and poor baby was so tired. Since he was wearing his hooded jacket, he had a little extra cushion behind his neck and head. Instead of fussing or crying b/c he was tired, he just propped his head back, as if staring at the ceiling, as we shopped through HEB. It was hilarious and adorable. He is a really easy going baby. I'm sure a lot of moms think or say that b/c who wants to say, "My kid's a brat."? But Joel cries and/or whines on two occasions. When he's hungry or when it's time for a nap (again, very similar to me). Sometimes he starts to fake cry when we have to leave the room for a minute, but a 30 second round of peek-a-boo usually nips that in the bud. I'm sure I learned in one of my billion child development classes in college what age personality traits start to emerge but I don't remember. I hope this Joel at 7 months is a glimpse of what's to come as he becomes a toddler, then child, and so on. If that's the case, then he's going to turn out to be a pretty cool little guy.

Just Us

I love spending time with Joel and Benny. It puts me at ease to know that Joel has a great daddy. But it is a special time when it's just me and Joel. Times like tonight. Benny is working a basketball game so he and I were home alone. I played an old song someone had posted on facebook. These Arms, by Otis Redding. Joel and I danced in the middle of the living room and he just laughed. Mostly because I was spinning him around :) But it was one of those moments you consciously try to tell yourself, "Don't forget this feeling." Looking at his little face lit up with his gummy smile is a memory I hope never fades. 

I put Joel to bed every night. This is just something we've always done. Benny kisses him goodnight, but I take him downstairs and put him in his crib. As I walk him downstairs he lays his head on my shoulder. He never does this except on the way to bed. I pass by the downstairs bathroom on the way to his room and each night I glance in the mirror. That's the best reflection I have ever seen. Me holding my little man, all snuggled up on my shoulder. I give him a hug and a kiss and tell him to have sweet baby dreams. I wonder how many years he will give me before he doesn't want me to put him to bed anymore? I don't think I'm going to give him a choice in the matter. 

I better write this down.

I read that when a child is born, a mother is also born. The quote says something to the effect of "the woman was always there, but the mother is new". No words could be truer for me at this moment. He has turned me into someone that I enjoy being much more than who I was before. (And no, I don't plan on starting every post with a quote.)

I know better than anyone else I am not a perfect mom. I don't wipe down his toys after they fall on the floor at restaurants. There's a lot of things I should do that I don't, but when it comes down to it no one else gets to love that boy like I do. No one else wakes him every morning and gets to see the first smile of his day. He doesn't put his itty-bitty hands in anyone else's hair and twirl the curls at the nape of their neck. That's all me. And I think that because I know how incredibly lucky that makes me, I am the perfect mom for Joel.  

Joel is my baby boy. I came to know of his existence on September 18, 2009 when I took a pregnancy test. I had seen him on black and white screens and heard his heartbeat several times in the nine months that followed, but nothing prepared me for seeing him in the flesh on May 19, 2010. All I could say through my tear-filled eyes was, "Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God..." It was indescribable, just as the past almost seven months have been. I am realizing how fast his life is going to fly by in front of my eyes. He's closer to being a toddler now that a newborn. When did that happen? 

I have some friends who blog about their children and I am jumping on the bandwagon. I have been taking pictures of Joel every week, every cute moment, every new milestone since he was born. There is nothing I love more than to go back and look through those photos. So I figure I will probably love to go back and read about his little life just as much, if not more. 

I'm officially a blogger now. I am not a writer- ask anyone who knows me. My vocabulary is embarrassing and my spelling is a close runner up. I do not use correct grammar so if that bothers you don't read it. I probably won't even read back over my words before I hit the "Publish Post" button. I won't struggle to find just the right words to make it sound like I know what I'm talking about. I will not give out advice on how to be a good mom. I'm just going to write about my little boy's day- good or bad. I'll write about how I'm hanging in there with this new me that I've come to enjoy- good or bad. That's the plan, we'll see how it turns out.